I hope that love she gave you, was just enough to save you;

when you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you.

i don't know if i'm suppose to be happy right now. i don't even know whether what i'm doing is right or wrong. i don't even know what and why i'm doing this. i want irah to be happy. she deserves a really great guy. i don't want her to carry on crying day/night for the rest of the year. she's after all, my dearest friend whom helped me. but it's shaqif, the guy whom she loves. the guy whom i love with all my heart. the guy whom changed my life. the guys who broke my heart. the guy whom is confusing me right now.

to tell you the truth, i already knew irah liked him from the start of our conversation. it was kinda obvious cause she kept talking about him non-stop. obvious ain't it? but i kept quiet and pretended i didn't mind. so why am i feeling so miserable now? why why why?! she told me she wanted to tell him now, and i actually encouraged her to. she did, and he said that he knew it all along. i don't know why, but i've got a feeling that he liked her all along. maybe he was just playing with my feelings when we were together? cause think, how could his feelings for irah just change all of a sudden? they were so close to each other. they both loved each other, till i came along. maybe if i didn't like shaqif back, they would have gotten together and still be happily together even till now? it's no use regretting, i know. but i'm just confused.

they're close to each other like how they use to be when they both liked each other alot. that means that there's a high chance that he likes her back too right? so why didn't he tell her that he liked her too. why can't they just freaking get together now? and best, keep it from me. cause i don't wanna know. i'll be broken if i do find out. but not knowing is better right? at least it'll be easier for me when i see either one of them? they're still messaging each other, and i really wonder what they're talking about. wonder how they manage to talk for so long. i remember when he still liked me alot, he'd talk to me a hell lot. but now, he's just ignoring me, pretending that i'm not alive. since he's talking to her a hell lot, doesn't that mean that he likes her too? maybe i'm just thinking too much. but i just can't help it.

so please, tell me what i should do right now. should i just wait and then see them slowly get together? i know i should just ask him who he likes right now. clarify this whole matter. and believe me, i did try. but all he said was he didn't know. he really doesn't know whether we're really over. whether we've really broken up. i don't know either. is that why he's making me feel so confused? cause he's confused too? sighs. someone please kill me. =(((

i need to study study study but i just can't concentrate on my work/book/notes. i might seem like i'm studying, but my mind just floats to lala land. caryl, STUDY! you want your 1GB memory card don't you? you wanna enjoy shopping after the exams right? so STUDY girl! work towards the 15th & 16th may. where you can really enjoy or either just get hurt. cause those are the 2 days where you and shaqif went steady. 15th november 2006. sighs. i love you boy, i really really do. we had something so real, something so beautiful. but now it's now the same.

there are times when i feel my feelings for you are starting to fade away. and this hurt and pain is slowing decreasing. but when i really do open up my heart and think everything true, i'm still hurting alot. and i still do love you alot like i've always did. so why? why am i feeling like this? why can't i just forget you boy? why? i thought you loved me. you promised me that you won't ever leave me and that i was going to be your one and only dear/taitai. so why did you go? i thought you were the one for me. but i guess i was wrong. i could never guess that you'll be the one who builds me up and tear me down. i'm not a toy hun, i've got feelings too. i cry, i laugh, i hurt & i love. so please, tell me. do you still love me like you did before?

/ boy, it's not suppose to hurt like this.

taste the bitterness inside at 6:57 AM;