I hope that love she gave you, was just enough to save you;

so together but so broken up inside.

i'm starting to dread going to school everyday.
the thought of seeing my friends again ain't working anymore.
my friends are starting to hook up.
and this makes me feel so alone all of a sudden.
i vow never to go to causeway point anymore.
cause no matter what, the bus will pass by his house.
and everywhere i go, there are couples everywhere.
seeing the way they behave, reminds me of him.
one thought of him is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind.
i never wanted to say goodbye love.
but it's not like i had a choice.
and everyday i pray that you'll be by my side again.
i know it's stupid of me to still be missing you.
after all those things that you've done to me.
but no matter how hard i try, i just can't let go.
and sometimes i hate myself for wanting you like this.
shame on me for wanting things back the way they used to be.
i don't know if i'll ever be able to let go and just forget you.
i know you're notihng but lies.
but i just can't get enough of you..

oh why oh why.

my dear heart, why'd you have to fall so deeply in love with him?

i knew that it was gonna hurt, but i just went on with it.

and now i gotta face the consequences.

i should have listened to what others told me.

then i wouldn't be hurting like this.

oh caryl why?

taste the bitterness inside at 6:23 AM;

i didn't mean for this to go as far as it did.

i still feel guilty for doubting you like this.
i know i'm suppose to trust you.
trust that your feelings won't ever fade.
but i just can't help but feel insecure ever since you've left.
i find it hard to concentrate in class cause all i can think about is you.
sometimes when i see you online, i'll start hoping.
hoping that you'll talk to me for once.
though i know that won't ever happen, not again.
i can't go on like this.
i don't want to go on behaving this way.
but i just can't help it.
you're all i can think about.
and one thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind.
everything i see reminds me of you.
i can't help but let you get the best of me.
baby, i can't live without you.
and it hurts to have you standing right beside, yet still feel you're too far away.
friends have told me to just talk to you.
and as much as i want to, i just get speechless everytime i'm near you.
i just can't bring myself to talk to you.
all i can do now is wait patiently, hoping that you'll come back.
i never should have doubt you
man, someone help me:(

taste the bitterness inside at 7:00 AM;

you're the closest thing i have to a bitter conversation about love that didn't last.

somehow i feel as if i don't know you anymore.
to me, you've become a total stranger.
your smile, it brings back bitter memories.
letting go of you isn't easy, no matter how hard i try.
i've got to stop blaming myself.
my hand's shaking and these tears just won't stop falling.
my desperate heart is far too weak to run for you this long.
but you don’t care at all.
there’s nothing i can do to draw you close to me.
i’ll die if i don’t get a chance to make this just right.
i’m sorry but i can’t forget about the way i feel every time you’re here.
what would it take for me to be with you?
i swear i’d rip my heart out if you said you’d be impressed.
baby i'm tired, tired of the lonely days in the dark endless nights.
cause i don't know if i'll ever be able to let you go.

i’ve been trying to ignore the best parts of you.

i’m still hoping that i’ll be with you somehow, somehow.

hopeless love, why did you carve your home in me?

cause this broken heart is too weak to hold your weight.

and now i regret the day we met.

you've helped me figure it out, i'm better off alone.
but every now and then, my heart gives in.
to the hope that someday you'll change.
but one last thing before i go.
boy did you ever love me?

taste the bitterness inside at 10:14 PM;

then i reached out for you but you weren't there.

my internet explorer's going crazy!
it's not letting me go to any website at all!
oh no, not again?
YES again, but why at this point of time?
it's the 14th march and this means we've parted for exactly 1 month and this sucks.
i still can't believe that i actually survived this whole month.
maybe it isn't so hard to try to forget him and just concentrate on my studies?
k who am i trying to kid?!
i just can't stop thinking about him.
EVERY second he's always on my mind.
well, i'll try to stop talking about him right now.
soooo today went to lot1 with theresa after lessons.
and guess what?
i pierced my ears!
and it's definitely worth the 8bucks i spent!
wheeeeeeeeee (:
then after that my dearest wanjun came to meet me after her softball training!
then we started roaming all around lot1.
bought a new handphone pouch cause i lost mine, and a new marker and pen!
then went back home, but luckily i didn't get drenched!
cause i was smart enough to call home and ask judith to come down with an extra umbrella!
okay i know i should stop flattering myself before i get high from all those self-compliments.
HAHAHAHA!
and guess what?
i heard jeremy singing just now and i couldn't stop laughing!
his singing isn't THAT bad, just the occasional outta tune thing.
he can play the guitar well, and that's so ultra cool!
wanjun forced jeremy to sing to her again and i wanted to here so i called her phone and she added me into the convo with her and jeremy.
the thing is, jeremy doesn't know that i'm listening in too!
man that was hilarious.
ahhhh i'm having terrible cramps right now.
and this seriously reminds me of him cause i had really bad cramps once and he started panicking.
he even offered to take me to see a doctor cause my parents weren't home.
okay it's not like i wanna be reminded of him, it's just that it's really hard to stop thinking of him.
my head's screaming: who cares about him?
my heart's screaming: i do!
i shouldn't have fallen so deeply in love with him.
i don't wanna love him, but i just can't help it.
i'm stuck on him.
well, i shall let my dearest tummy rest now.
so gdnight world!
& in my heart, you're all that matters.

taste the bitterness inside at 10:13 PM;

you're the touch that never fades away.

i know i haven't been updating for almost 2 whole months now.
and i really do apologise.
i've been really busy studying for the common tests and trying to stop crying.
well we kinda broke up last month, exactly on valentine's day.
i'll have to wait till after midyears are over or either until his results improve.
i miss him terribly.
i just can't stop thinking about him.
it gets really hard everytime i see him in school.
i've got to try to stay happy when all i wanna do is cry.
even though i fell like i've just got stabbed in the heart everytime i see him, i DO wanna see him.
it's the holidays now, and i know i'm gonna miss him alot more.
it's been almost a month since we've parted.
he's always acting so cold everytime he sees me.
though i do catch him staring sometimes.
what does it all mean?
i wanna know if he still loves me, or whether he misses me.
but i just can't bring myself to msg him and ask him.
i miss those msgs we used to send.
and all those calls which only last for a few minutes but seems like forever to me.
i miss you offering to walk me to the bus stop.
i miss the sound of your voice and that sweet smile of yours.
sighs baby, what will it take for you to come back to me?
i just can't stop crying myself to sleep every night.
and i've been doing really stupid things like trying to kill myself.
you've hurt me so badly, even the drugs don't work. they just make things worst.
can you please tell me the truth?
do you still love me the way you did?
cause the silence is killing me.
please tell me, how do you stay so happy all the time?
why does it seem like i'm the only one thats hurting?
i guess i'm better off dead.
baby tell me, what will you do, what will you say?
if you found me gone, if i walked away?
will your heart be burned?

taste the bitterness inside at 7:45 AM;