I hope that love she gave you, was just enough to save you;

all i gotta do is look into your eyes to lose myself.

so many things happened the whole of last week.
didn't break up with shaqif dear.
couldn't bear to.
he's sent me an email telling me how he really feels about me.
so so so sweet of him.
this is what he sent me:
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k i dont know why im doing this. i just feel like i need to. before its too late. cos if your decision means that we wont be together anymore, at least i tried my best to tell you how i really feel towards you. all the stuff that i didnt get a chance to say. so im going to be downright honest ok? oh and one more thing, i am really crying when im typing this. really am. not joking! and all the stuff im about to say are true.

hmm i dont know where to start. theres so many things i need to tell you before its too late. but i cant say it through msn right now cos it just feels so awkward. so i better say this now, while im still your dear. cos if we break up, i dont think i can talk to you or even msg you anymore. i just cant get myself to do that ok.

to be honest, i can never face you in school if we're not together anymore. i dont think i can even be your friend. not even your bestest friend. i need you to be my dear. i need you to be there as my girlfriend when im feeling down. nothing less.

i have to admit. there were times when i took you for granted and said things i wasnt supposed to. i really questioned myself whether i really loved you after that. you still remember? the day when your dad scolded you? and i said maybe we shouldnt be together? and then i realised that i really loved you. and from then on till now, i didnt ever dare to take you for granted anymore.
there were also times i made you sad. when during the open house. my friends teased you. i was really angry and had no mood to do anything that day. i felt that i let you down cos you didnt want anyone to know about us.

and about the anonymous and all his emails. ok maybe i got a little disappointed and shocked yesterday. i just couldnt believe you said something like that. couldnt believe you actually thought that i will ever leave you. you very well know i wont ever do that. cos i already told you last time ive found the perfect girl. and i wont ever leave you no matter what. we promised each other that we were going to grow old together right? just like your grandparents. and even then we'll still love each other as much as we love one another now.

so about your decision. im ok with whatever your decision is. if we decide to still be together, we'll have to make some compromises. but you must promise me if i dont say iloveyou to you and climb in through your window every night you'll still be able to sleep! haha. if we carry on, we must promise each other that our feelings for each other will always be the same. trust each other that our feelings wont ever fade.

if it was any other reason that we have to break up, my answer is a direct no ok. i wont let you go for any other guy. period. unless you leave me that is. but now its cos of your parents. so you have to decide. i cant.

but if you really decide to break up. then i would never forget this one month plus we've been together. and the one and only time we went out during your birthday. haha. the only thing i'll regret is to REALLY hug and kiss you, just like we say in our msgs everyday. if we're not together anymore, you still can gain back your parents trust. and then find the guy you really really love. someone much better than me. who will treat you alot better than i am treating you right now. even then, i'll still love you. my feelings wont ever change ok? i promise you that. and you know when i promise you something, i wont break it.

i still hope that all our promises that we made to each other will still come true. that you wont ever leave me. but if you do actually leave me, i'll understand. i just really love you alot alot alot alot alot alot alot alot dear. and i'll never let you go. you too mean the whole world to me. i really dont know what i'll do if we break up ok. i think i'll neglect my studies and get depressed. seriously. cos i really love you too much. i really mean it, i'll love you until the day i die. im very sure about that. cos i say it again, youre MYYYYYYY one and only taitai! nobody can ever take your place ok? i promise.

ok so actually thats what i wanted to say. but i dont know how to express. so all this will look like ordinary words that i say to you everyday. but i feel a desperate and urgent feeling that i might actually lose you. so yea. haha. thats all what i have to say.
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how sweet is that?
i swear i cried uncontrollably after reading that.
called him after that, talked then cried after putting down the phone.
told him that i didn't want to break up the next day.
cause i can't bear to leave him, i really really really do love him alot.
sighs.

been meeting him during recess and after school.
after that, get damn high. (:
hees.
it's either he wait for me to go home, or either i do.
whoever leaves first, then we'll force our friends to go back with us.
then we'll talk after his friends leave.
teehees.
gonna meet him again tmr!
okay maybe more like the whole year!
wheeeeeeeeee.
;DDDD

i feel like rebonding my hair again!
my hair's sticking out like crazy.
damn irritating.
but i gotta wait till june, which is so far away!
awws. :(
anyways, if you wanna know about my first week in school.
you can go to my public blog! (:

taste the bitterness inside at 5:25 AM;